This blog has been a long time coming. I’d say it has been about a year in the making.
One thing that I have always prided myself on is being authentic with my boudoir clients and those that follow me. I share the good, the bad, the funny and even the hard to hear. This time has been a little different. I have been keeping something from you guys but I promise it was for a good reason.
So here goes nothing…
Exactly a year ago this month I made the decision to get a divorce. Now, I am not going to sit here and tell you who’s fault it was or why it all came crumbling down because at the end of the day…it doesn’t really matter. There was a lot of emotions to dig through, a lot of “stuff” to get through and quite frankly I have had to rebuild a lot of my life from the ground up. It was by far the hardest thing I have had to do in my entire life. Walking away from a life that you built with someone else for nearly 7 years is hard.
Emotionally, I was a fucking wreck. Seriously. The very beginning of our divorce was the absolute worst. I have always been open about the fact that I really struggle with anxiety. Going through the beginning phases of our divorce made my anxiety worsen TEN FOLD. I was having panic attacks once or twice in a single day compared to the once or twice a month that is my norm. After a while things started to settle down and Chris and I started to come to terms on how things would play out. We wanted to make this as smooth as a transition as possible because we have our four year old daughter to think about. Kaya was in the forefront of our minds going through this entire process. Everything was final in May and I moved out of our family home a little over a month ago so we are still learning the transition. Chris and I have 50/50 custody and are doing week on/week off with Kaya. That part has been really challenging but we are figuring it out as we go. Even though our marriage ended, Chris and I are still good friends and so far co-parenting has not been as hard as everyone said it was going to be. We work really well as a team and for that I am thankful. So many people tried to scare us with co-parenting horror stories and I am glad to say we have been an exception to the norm.
I am grateful to have a really great support system. I had both family and friends to help me get through it. Now that everything is all said and done I am learning how to live life on my own. I am very much in a season of change. At first, I was kind of scared of all the change happening but now that it is here I am embracing it. I can honestly say that right now – life is good. Like REALLY good. Emotionally, mentally and physically I am in a really great place. Between it being busy season for boudoir, getting Lex & Co. off the ground and Kaya keeping me busy with school/dance/soccer I am not quite sure what is next to me but for now I am going to enjoy the ride and see where my next chapter takes me.